“…Now I Am A Little Like Chase.”

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12 months and 5 days...  That’s all the time between them; my first boy and his surprise brother.

Through the years they’ve been mortal enemies and best friends and sometimes both within a matter of seconds.  They played cars together and sword-fought across the whole house and back and they used to splash in the rain on the tiny condo porch and squeal in delight.

About 2 months before Chase was diagnosed

About 2 months before Chase was diagnosed

And one morning, while he lay in his bed, Aidan watched us surround his brother and carry him out.  He lay in the dark of the room as emergency lights reflected through the closed blinds – flashing red on the walls and ceiling – and he looked out into the dim hall and saw shadowy figures in navy and heard the click of a metal gurney carried across the threshold.  He watched his mother cradle his best friend brother with eyes closed and a mask over his face and he heard the words:“You need to stay in your bed, Grammie is here, I love you so much and we will see you soon, okay?”  ..and with that, the life of my first-born boy changed forever.

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Helping with blood draws in clinic

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Making Chase smile on hospital days

The sword-fighting and cars never stopped, but now it was only occasionally around the times his brother was out of the hospital.  And while he could go outside and run or swim with his sister; his brother, whose head was now ugly and puckered with stitches couldn’t be out in the sun or water with him.  And their play had to gentle around IV bags, careful as his ever energetic brother tired in minutes, and metered around blood draws and medicines…for which he’d stand by the couch and hold out his hand and say words like “Chase, it’s okay.  I’m here if you need me.  Here’s my hand… you can hold it if it makes you feel better.”

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Helping Chase move with the IV bag

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Cheering Chase on during radiation days

And when he had his own tonsil surgery the week after they opened his brother’s brain, he sat contentedly in recovery and made no sound at the needles or cords because “…Now I am a little like Chase.”

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This boy has grown up on the sound of his brother’s screams and the sight of his brother’s scars and blood.  And in some ways he’s 6 and in other ways he’s 60 because he knows more of the world and suffering than you should know when you’re little.

Learning to play around an IV bag

Learning to play around an IV bag

So, this week he told me that he’s growing out his hair to shave it for his brother.  He wants to be bald for a minute with his brother.  And when he had to write on the St. Baldrick’s website and say why he was going to shave his head, these were his words: “I’m shaving my head for my brother Chase because he’s my brother and I like him and because he’s my best friend and because he’s a very kind boy.”  And if I know my Aidan, he’ll sit in the chair, totally bald and calm because “…now I am a little like Chase.”

12 months and 5 days and sometimes there are no other words.

Moment by moment.

To go to Aidan’s St. Baldrick’s page, click here.

 

 

4 responses to ““…Now I Am A Little Like Chase.”

  1. My heart melts for the pure love of Aiden for Chase. You are surely blessed. (I know that seems like a strange comment to one with a child with cancer, but I choose to see the blessings). Your family is always in our thoughts and prayers.

  2. Tears of love for your family, Ellie. I wonder how Chase’s illness will play out in the professions of his sibs when they are adults. None of them have remained unaffected and uninfluenced by his trials. Only God knows what He has planned for their lives. Whatever it is, they have learned to never give up and to put their hand in the hand of the One Who calmed the sea.

  3. God Bless those two pals, how the siblings “just understand it all”, Caden shaved his head plus Doug “daddy”too, Coleson asked them too, he asked Grandpa too, but Grandpa only had a few hairs;) Blesses ! Love, Jolene

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