“Mom? Are you awake?”  The quiet voice came into the dark room from the silhouette of a fuzzy head in the hall light.  “Mom?  It’s me.  I just came to tell you it’s my birthday.  I’m five today and I’m going to open presents and…and…what am I going to do today?”

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Some days, he might need to be reminded of what you do on a birthday as the scars present their challenges, but he didn’t need help remembering that he’s here and he’s five.  And neither do I.

December 12, 2012

December 12, 2012

As I watch him open presents and I frost his cake, I find myself wanting to savor every second lest I never have graduations, weddings, and all those things that come with living long years.

Yet, as the fuzzy head tucked under my chin  and the downy quilt early in the dark morning hours, I could hear his smile in the shadows and that colors the canvas of the day.  The smile sounds spoke to my heart again: Chase chooses joy.  Always joy.

December 12, 2013

December 12, 2013

“Mom?” His voice across the breakfast table; “why are you crying, Mom?  I didn’t die of the cancer.  I’m five!”  And I wonder in my heart how such an old soul can be only five years young.  Always joy.

“Let’s just start this fight, and then we’ll get him through radiation, and then we’ll hopefully get him to age three, and then four, and then five…”  The doctor’s words always remind on this twelfth day of the last month.  Five.  The highest number listed in that year-by-year hope around the first conference table and diagnosis.

Today, my, precious, stubborn, tenacious, beat-the-odds, stare-it-down, never-say-die, don’t-mess, you-and-what-army Chase turns five with great joy.

We never thought we’d be here ever… and now we’re here.

God is good.


December 12, 2014

December 12, 2014



5 responses to “12.12.14

  1. Beautifully written as always, Ellie. Crying tears of joy this morning.

  2. We are just so thankful for this message and our prayers have and will continue for precious Chase and ALL OF YOU!! We love and serve a loving and caring God, Who also is the GREAT PHYSICIAN!

    Keep looking up and expect a miracle, He is the author of those also!!

    With our much love, concern and ABUNDANT prayers!!
    Ron & Donna Brand. Vista, CA. (Buena Park)

  3. Happy birthday Chase. You are lifted up in prayer every day.

  4. yes, darling family of Chases: God Is An Awesome God. praise Him, forever and ever. thanks be to God.
    to see Chase like this, he is truly a Christmas gift from God for sure. thank u my precious Lord and Savior. I love you.

  5. Happy fifth birthday, Chase!

    You are so much more of a blessing, to so many, than you can grasp just yet; but a day is coming when things will be revealed that can only be grasped by the mind of a child. And in that day we old ones, we big ones, the faraway folk of whom your parents sometimes speak, will once again find ourselves learning from the small ones, the young ones, watching you discover all that surrounds you and seeing the world anew through your eyes.

    In the meantime, we will be watching from afar, and praying, and loving, as you navigate the uncharted waters that lie between here and the word those doctors didn’t dare utter at the time, because they didn’t know you yet: “Six.”

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