The shadow has descended again and I’ve found myself unable to write because of it. Three whole months have passed like the snap of a finger and once again, we stand in front of the two doors: the next MRI is in less than 48 hours.
Technically, the shadow of relapse is always with us, but we feel it ever so strongly the week before the MRI. I wasn’t going to write because I’ve had no words -only fears and fighting fears- and I’ve wanted to be silent in my thoughts and prayers until after the results are known. However, today, I was reminded to open my hands. To relinquish again the dread of the unknown to the One who knows.
So, tonight, I finally sit and write. I still fear much and fight the fear, but today, I opened by hands – a thing I haven’t done in too long. I needed this reminder that Chase is not ours to keep. In fact, none of our precious littles are. They are our entrusted treasures and we are their stewards. We’ve gathered them around us in front of the two doors and we wait… with open hands.
Moment by moment.
The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Psalm 24:1 [NIV]