He Is Enough

Finally, a Christmas season with no new.  No new babies that leave you lucky to get completely dressed each day, let alone decorate a house for Christmas.  No new and scary cancer diagnosis that sends you reeling so that you can hardly think straight, let alone prepare for the holidays.

This.  This would be the year we would do.  Do lights and trees and the Christmas market and start new traditions.  Each day would be beautiful and weighed down and slowed down in some way to specially mark the Advent and keep the Heart of our celebration at the front of our minds.  …and our adventures and travels would all look so pretty under the light of an Instagram filter.
And then everybody got sick.
And Chase’s counts dropped for two weeks in a row with no explanation.
And I found myself lying face in the snow as my bruised brain reminded me that what I’d set out to do hadn’t been a good idea.
And then came the CT scan and the ER conversation about how to treat concussions.
And then I watched the Christmas season pass me by.
The cards only half done, the Christmas market abandoned, the traditions would have to wait.
photo-4 copy
Lying flat on the couch by the tree, tears streamed down my face as I struggled to let it go.  I had attached my heart to these things we would do.  I would be a good parent for them; a good Christian for them.  These things are what would make this time special and holy.  Because we need special.  You see, for any of us, healthy or not, this could be our last Christmas, but somehow, with the cancer, the dark cloud of “the last” looms greater and closer.  This Christmas must count because it could be the last one we’re all here together.  What if…
I have continued to wrestle against this concussion, pushing for health because we’re losing precious days.
It wasn’t until yesterday, eight days into the wrestle, as I sat under the tree, feeling bitterly disappointed to miss another Advent Sunday, that the still of my heart was stirred.
God is enough.  
My worship doesn’t need anything, not even the beauty and pageantry of Christmas in my beloved church.  My ability to guide my children through this season is not based on events and outings.  No, He who took on our broken, wretched skin, He and He alone is enough.
This does not come easily to me.  I so often want to dress Him up and observe Him in a way that makes me feel special.   How silly and foolish a thing to do – and it took a concussion to strip it away and show it up.
So the Christmas cards may not get sent, but He is enough.
The new traditions may not get made, but He is enough.
The old traditions may not be kept, but He is enough.
This may well be the last Christmas…but HE IS ENOUGH.
I don’t need anything else.
Moment by moment.

11 responses to “He Is Enough

  1. Ellie, this is truly the best thing I have read all year. I have struggled these last few months as Hudson has been in and out of the hospital having procedure after procedure. The thought of, “will this ever end, will it ever lighten up?” The truth is that it may never in this life and it is so often easier to say that, then to accept it. I am constantly battling with the contentment of my heart, always wanting more from my Father. Wanting a bigger and better miracle not only for Hudson, but sadly also for me. It is my daily goal to be able to say with all joy, “it is well withy soul!” I am so sorry for your pain and the aching heart of a wonderful mother. Isn’t it amazing just how much pain we can feel? Sometimes it shocks me! I am so happy you keep choosing Him! Thank you for encouraging me today and so any other times when I feel or have felt like I was the only one. I pray you have the most blessed Christmas with your family and that He will give you perfect joy this Christmas.

    • Sending lots of love, dear Kristi! In truth, it’s YOU who encourage ME on this road that we can never get off of. Trusting that He knows our needs. Always praying for you and sweet Hudson! We WILL see God in the land of the living!!

  2. Dear Ellie..I’m with Kristi..this I the best thing I have read all year, and the timing is perfect. It shouldn’t be, but the few days just before Christmas Day are a struggle between ‘doing ‘ and ‘dwelling’… On the reason for the season. I do every thing I can to keep the babe in a manger and why He came in the forefront of my mind…but it gets all muddied up as I measure the spices, or run to the store for more tape. And I know I am not alone. I steal moments here and there to bring my brain into submission, to be still and know that he is God. And yes Ellie, He is enough..more than enough..and you have shown us all that this is true! Thank you for the reminder…Merry Christmas!

  3. Happy Holiday season to you all and…..a healing peaceful 2014.

    Maralee and Bohdi

  4. Donna Jeanne Schneider

    Oh, Ellie, and precious family!
    What an example you are…of honesty, humility, and patience, fixing your eyes where they need to be, and then reaping the wonderful reward of the presence of God in your need….Thank you for being willing to share your precious heart, encouraging us all. Think of all that Mary gave up, all that Joseph gave up, all that Jesus Himself gave up, in order that we might have this amazing celebration (and it gets so buried under the piles of gift wrap and all the extra things we weigh it down with)….Rest, precious Ellie, REST….and KNOW THAT HE IS GOD….sounds like you are doing all that you need to do…and know also, that you are being used powerfully, whether you realize it or not, to make a huge difference in the lives of ALL who know you…Love, love, Donna Jeanne

  5. Ellie, may you rest in His embrace. I am praying for you.

  6. I love this! How easy I stray from this truth . . . He is enough. Thank you. Prayers to you and yours!

  7. Pingback: 2014: Looking Forward In Our Own Words… | e-family

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