There are some days that I long for answers.
After being re-admitted to the hospital in Sunday’s early hours, Chase is driving me to that place. Why are the fevers so high when he still had white blood cells? Why is he so visibly ill when his tests are coming back negative? Why is his blood pressure so low ….does he need platelets …does he vomit even after anti-nausea drugs …why, why, why??
It’s days like today that I hear Tennyson in my head:
“Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die…”
Is that the reality? To do and die?
Even as I question, I am reminded of the verse in Jeremiah:
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
If this life is full of God’s plans for me that give both a future and a hope, and I’d prefer not to face it like one of the six hundred riding silently to death, I ask myself…how should I respond to weary days with no answers?
Give thanks even when it hurts. …when it aches …when there is no human reason for the pain and suffering.
“Give thanks in ALL things…” (1 Thess 5:18)
So this is my answer for today. I may not get the answers I crave for the child lying in the bed, but believing that whatever my God ordains is right and for His glory and my good can free my burdened heart for thankfulness.
Moment by moment.