Days With No Answers

There are some days that I long for answers.

After being re-admitted to the hospital in Sunday’s early hours, Chase is driving me to that place. Why are the fevers so high when he still had white blood cells? Why is he so visibly ill when his tests are coming back negative? Why is his blood pressure so low ….does he need platelets …does he vomit even after anti-nausea drugs …why, why, why??

It’s days like today that I hear Tennyson in my head:

“Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die…”

Is that the reality? To do and die?

Even as I question, I am reminded of the verse in Jeremiah:

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

If this life is full of God’s plans for me that give both a future and a hope, and I’d prefer not to face it like one of the six hundred riding silently to death, I ask myself…how should I respond to weary days with no answers?

Give thanks.

Give thanks even when it hurts. …when it aches …when there is no human reason for the pain and suffering.

“Give thanks in ALL things…” (1 Thess 5:18)

So this is my answer for today. I may not get the answers I crave for the child lying in the bed, but believing that whatever my God ordains is right and for His glory and my good can free my burdened heart for thankfulness.

Moment by moment.


7 responses to “Days With No Answers

  1. Moment by moment with you, friend. xo

  2. Girl, I am sending up a flood of prayers on your behalf today…that you may feel the peace that only comes from Him. It is only from Him that you are able to give thanks in a moment like this! Praying for you and your little man as always…

  3. Ellie, I am so sorry for the distressing place that you are in right now. I know that your desire to praise God in all circumstances is where your mind and heart should dwell. The Lord dwells in the hearts of His people. He is with you and with Chase. I don’t understand how it all works for hope and a future, but I know that Christ is our soul anchor and our hope and stay.
    I pray that the Lord’s strong arms would engulf you and Chase and be all that you need in the coming hours, days, and weeks. All my love to you and your family. Kara

  4. love you. always on my mind.

  5. Thinking of you. My cell is broke or I would be texting you. Hang in there Ellie…..answers will come…..the sun will shine again. I love you.


  6. Continuing to pray for Chase and for your family. Your willingness to share your personal journey is such a powerful testament to your faith and is a consistent reminder to those of us on the outside, that we need to have that same strenth of faith. You’re a blessing to more people than you know. Praying for you as I listen to “Have No Fear”, by Willow Creek Music. May God bless Chase and your family.

  7. This is a beautiful post. My heart aches for you and Chase. I am praying for you all.

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