Impossible Question

“There has been no success in curing this cancer without radiation, but we know that there are long term neural and even physical effects from this course of treatment. What do you, as Chase’s parents, think?”

The impossible scenario with the impossible question.

What do we think?

In that moment, I think I wish I’d never walked into the room and never heard of cancer, and brain tumors, and chemo, and…

The reality is that Chase (barring the miracle we never cease to hope for) will begin radiation in a few short weeks. He is an excellent candidate for proton radiation (a “better” type) and our preliminary meetings and planning sessions with the doctors have been very encouraging.

It’s taken me a long time to blog about this scenario and its because I have found it almost impossible to write through being in a room and discussing the crushing reality of your child’s impending mental and physical changes …all the while knowing that these changes are still a lesser damage to him than his cancer.

Then, we leave the room and he’s still our Chase. In many ways, we said goodbye to who and what Chase was the minute we drove into the ambulance bay on that epic Tuesday in July. And at the end of my every thought and emotion on this, I have to come back to this promise…

“For you [God] formed Chase’s inward parts; you knitted him together in his mother’s womb. I praise you, for he is fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; and my soul knows it very well. Chase’s frame was not hidden from you, when he was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw his unformed substance; and in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for him, when as yet there were none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16 ( personalization added)

Our decision is big, but Jesus is bigger.

Moment by moment…

10 responses to “Impossible Question

  1. Praying, praying. Let’s talk through some of this soon, OK?

  2. Sending prayers for Chase!

  3. What a strong, brave family you are. There will be nothing that can take Chase’s God-given, spiritual perfection away from him. Not now, not ever. No matter what, his love is known by many and he is touching so many lives, teaching us more about life and love than we ever knew we were capable of knowing. Your quote says it so beautifully. Hugs to you all. You will remain in my prayers.

  4. Amen! Jesus IS bigger! Thank you for your faithful updates (both meanings of “faithful”!). Continuing to pray for you all!

  5. truly beautiful, your faith is beautiful. Praying Jesus continues to cover you in comfort and brings healing that only He can bring.

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