So alone. “Lord, I don’t want to be alone.”
I remember it as clearly as if it were this morning. Pitch black early November morning … it couldn’t have been more than 3:00 AM … the sound of a small baby’s breath in the crib next to my bed … the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.
For months, I’d been so certain, so sure, even at peace. This was my life. God had called me to be a single mother and minister to others. And now, quite suddenly, my surety was gone. And in it’s place … lonliness. Not in a “I’m at a party and nobody’s talking to me” way, but rather like watching the hero of a movie die and thinking “No! That’s not right! Life shouldn’t be like that!” … that is the feeling I remember.
And then, silence. And in that silence, there was a direction, as clear as if someone had spoken the words outloud to me:
“Pray. Pray for a kinsman redeemer.”*
Is that you, Lord? A kinsman redeemer? Really?! I feel crazy even saying that I heard that — let alone repeating it.
Pray for a kinsman redeemer.
Alright. Lord. This is crazy, but I’ll pray …
The closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. Saturday, October 13, 2007, and counting …
“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” ~ Psalm 36:5
*Kinsman Redeemer — See the book of Ruth to read the full account of Ruth and Boaz.